As I sit here in our room at the RMH waiting for a return phone call, I just can't help but get emotional. Tomorrow marks 6 months of us being here at U of M. Thinking back to all that our sweetheart has been through since the beginning of October is just simply amazing that she has persevered through it all. The only explanation that I have for it is that God has a plan and I can only hope that because we have been here for so long, that the end result will be that we take her home with a new 4 chambered heart for her to enjoy for a long time! I ask myself allot...."Why is God having us wait so long to have this happen?" My logical (or hopeful) answer is that the princess is waiting for things to be just perfect and God is going to oblige. She is just the most wonderful little person ever! She is making new leaps and bounds everyday and it is so fun to see her go through those "normal" baby things. Yesterday, she waved! Backwards of course. ;-) And you all know me by now.....I cried! hee hee I also picked her up under her arms and lifted her up and down......she laughed! Of course, I cried with such joy! Oh, I wish we were home! I so want to take her for a stroller ride in the beautiful park that we have as our backyard and all of the simple things that we would normally do as a family. God has a plan and my heart says that He is waiting for that perfect time.
Before I left this past weekend to go home, a beautiful family from Kansas moved into Moderate Care with us. They had a son, Jonah, which I think looked to be around 1 1/2 or just about 2 years old and then their new addition, Hope. She looked about 3 weeks old. Just a beautiful little girl with a beautiful family to go right along with. Hope is a fellow heart baby. While I was at home, I did some shopping for a few things for work and a couple of seasonal scrap booking items. Of course I always end up around the frames. (I have a fetish with frames!) I walked around the corner and there it was. The perfect frame for Hope! It was pink with a cross and hearts on it. It also displayed her name right in the middle at the bottom. I love this name as it also has such a powerful meaning. So, I bought it for her. I got back to the hospital around dinner time on Monday and Hope was gone. I asked the nurse which room on the floor she was in so that I could get her this present. Her look was all I needed. I was in shock. Hope passed away Sunday evening. Apparently she had a clot pass through her shunt and of course at that time, there is nothing they can do quick enough. Of course, I sat, holding Lindsay, and cried. My heart ached for them. Why God? Why take her and give us all this time with our baby?
I tried to figure out how on earth I was going to get this gift to them. Then last night, Sara and Aaron appeared. It was like a gift given to me because I really needed to see them and wrap my arms around them. Thank you God!
So, when I was sitting with Lindsay after I heard the news of Hope's passing, I just sat a rocked with her trying to figure out why we still have her. Why have we been so lucky? Yes, folks, I said lucky. We are. We have had this wonderful time with her to see her grow and develope into a delightful little person. Remembering back when we first found out about our "little Sweety" (that one was for you Dad!) we had all of these tests done to see if other than her heart issue, if she could possibly have the potential at a good life. No parent should ever have to decide this but all in all, we chose life! Lindsay has turned out to be an absolute miracle and we have enjoyed, even the bad, every single minute! Thank you God!
I also can't help to think if this whole thing is a lesson for us? Is it a lesson to learn more about Him? Is it a lesson to care more, love more, live life to the fullest more? My husband sometimes tells me that I look into things too deeply. Yes, sometimes I do. But, sometimes I do for a reason but really don't know what that reason is until later when something happens and it "smacks" (for Rebecca! ha ha) me right in the face! Oh, how I wish I had the answers...........
Now that I have every one of you in tears, we continue to ask for your prayers for our princess and that she will be home with us.....in His time. Love to you all as always~